If it has not been obvious, I am a Weight Watchers member. I have been for many years.....more off than on but that is a story for another day. I even have the first cookbook the Jean N (can't spell her last name.....but the founder of WW). My grandmother, God love her, thought her chubby granddaughter needed the help.
For the most part I am a faithful tracker........well, I did take a couple of months off. I had my pity party that if I could not exercise, why track what I eat. Did it matter? I know it did matter but could not wrap my head around it. What is crazy is I have been watching people around me losing like crazy.....why? Let's say it together......TRACKING! One high school friend has almost lost half his starting body weight. How did he do it? I eats the same thing every day for breakfast, snack, lunch and snack. Dinner he varies as I am sure his family would get bored with eating the same boring chicken every night.
Tracking is not hard. Is it necessary? I really do think so. Our mindless eating (one cookie won't kill me) will get us into trouble. An extra point here, two there, no enough activity will help the pounds creep back. Shoot, WW has apps of every kind, paper trackers, books....all sorts of tools to help us be successful.
In the new version of Weight Watchers 360, there are even more tools. They are my title today. I have recommitted to tracking. I can do it on my computer, my phone, my iPad....they have made it very easy for me.....I can't screw it up! Well.......you understand what I mean.
Spaces is one of my prides today (yesterday too) as I took the time to clean the fridge. OMG the stuff that was in there that was old. Some looked like a science experiment and other things just looked wilted and beyond their time. I was sad for the money I was throwing out and have made a promise to myself that I will not let that happen anymore. Food is too expensive to be lackadaisical with what I have purchased and not use it. Once it was clean, I started cooking! I looked up recipes (split pea soup....Emeril has a great one) and made 2 pots of soup. Good old chicken soup and Split Pea (no ham). I had purchased some chicken breasts and was afraid they might be bad.....luck was on my side and they were fine. I stuffed them with low fat ricotta cheese and spinach, topped them with salsa and added a little white wine to it for added moisture. All point friendly. I went to the grocery and got fruit, frozen veggies and am good to go for the week. My space in my kitchen is a good place for me. Everything there is friendly and I don't have to worry about whether something will sabotage my journey.
Another friendly space is my bedroom AKA the cave! No food is allowed in the cave, liquid beverage only. There has to be a place where I don't have to worry about food. The dog and I have our safe haven......and all is good there.
Let's face it, we are all creatures of habit. Routine can be our friend. I love knowing that I have my pedometer on and can challenge myself to move a little more today than yesterday. I like knowing that I have a few things readily available for breakfast so no thought process needed there. I have snacks to grab with no thought of failure.
I need to work on my exercise routine. More like get back to it. As I said the other day I took my first class and although I did plan tomorrow to be number 2 it might have to wait for the weekend. I say that as being an accountant, year end is surrounding me and those deadlines don't care if I want to work out. I will get out and take Sassy for a walk. She will love it. She loves the cold weather and running around like a fool (a fool on a leash!)
I did have my first weigh in for 2013 this morning (ww at the office......greatest thing I did for me and my work buddies) and had a success on the scale. That made my day! I will allow the momentum and joy of that feeling today carry me through the week. There is no such thing as failure UNLESS I say it is failure. I make choices all day long. If my choice is to indulge in a piece of chocolate, good for me. If I bite it, I write it. The word 'bad' is banned from my vocabulary unless I am talking about something spoiled. I am not bad for making a choice......I am a human making a choice. If I choose to have something NOT point friendly I have to give something up to accommodate it.
This is my year for success. I know it.....I feel it....I will achieve it and unlike the celebrities who endorse WW, I don't have chefs, trainers and the like in my corner. I do, however, have all my friends who cheer me on and for that I am the luckiest girl in the world!
See you soon!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Monday, December 31, 2012
New Year's Eve......
I wanted to finish the new year out on a high note.......I took my first jazzercise class since March! It hurt...and I was leery of the movements but I moved and it felt good! I remember now what it is like to be a new person taking class for the first time. It is the first time in 17 years that I have taken time off for such a long period of time. Sweating felt grand!
I know I will be cautious over the next weeks as I take more classes but I am also now not afraid to try some things at the gym. I have been the worlds greatest scardy cat. Afraid I would re-injure the ankle; afraid that I would not be able to do my favorite Jazzercise...funny how fear is so paralyzing.
I had a wonderful dinner with family and now I am ready to call it a night. I reflect on all the people who have passed in this last year......you will be remembered fondly; reflecting on all the new experiences and people I have been blessed to meet......I hope you are all still in my life but if by chance you are not, there will be sunshine filled memories to carry you with me.
Happy New Year everyone.....let's make it grand!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
The year is coming to an end.....
I have been doing a lot of reflecting over the last few weeks. So many changes in life that we have to roll with the flow.
Just before Christmas, I lost one of my uncles. It was unexpected, shocking and brought back all the memories and feelings of my dad's passing. Uncle Paul was 75. My mom called to remind me she was turning 75 (yesterday) and that I better be extra good to her! Gotta love it......I am the good one!
It also reminded me of all the people we have lost in the last year.....family, friends, celebrities. My niece and nephew have no idea who Charles Durning was, Elizabeth Taylor, Chad Everett....these people were icons. Their films and acting were grand. They are more aware of the rappers or sports figures who lost their lives to stupidity playing with guns and drugs. (I wonder who their icons will be ......if they are not all dead in their prime) I was also reminded that the man who founded the company I work for passed. It was the first year when profit sharing was distributed there were no jokes about peoples initials, the laughter when he put a check for a missing employee in his pants 'because he got to keep it!'. Even as I write this I feel tears coming......but now they are happy tears with the memories and smiles in my heart.
I also reflect on all the changes to weight watchers over the years. We now focus on portion control.......even on the items that have 0 points. I recall one meeting I used to go to where the leader told us she brought the biggest Tupperware of salad she could manage every day AND ATE IT ALL. I know salad is filling but was it necessary to put that idea in my head (yes I tried it!). Now I am trying to really work the program and understand that even good food can't be consumed to the point of being uncomfortably full. I want to try to eat to live not live to eat. I know, a novel concept! I have a great leader in our WW at work. Deb is great and the guys are also a great inspiration. Shoot, the guys have lost so much and I can't say I have added much to the mix except I do know how to persevere. Ergo, I am tracking.......the good, the bad and the ugly! Being aware and accountable are so important. This I will continue to do.......tracking is key and being true to me will help me reach my goals.
Exercise has been lacking in my life since I started with a foot/ankle problem. The reason for the surgery was clear (bone pressing on a tendon) and it is healing well but there is still substantial swelling and stiffness. I am going to take my first class in 9 months this week. Jazzercise, how I have missed thee!! Slow and steady will win the race......but I need to get moving again. I have lost so much of my fitness. Grrrr.......time to take that part of my life back!
My dog was diagnosed with diabetes. We are still trying to control it and we will get there but until then my pooch needs me and my loving care. 2 shots per day and need to get her out walking more too!! She misses the exercise. God how I love my dog.
I started this out by saying the year is coming to an end. Not the world (Mayans..you were wrong!); not my life........just this year. I am looking forward to what it will bring. I promise to be more active in my church (I am joining the prayer shawl group to crochet some shawls), be more active for me. I promise to finish my second masters, get my health back in control. I will look for my special someone (not stalk him) because I believe he is out there....he just can't find me yet. I will continue to pay it forward and do random acts of kindness.......it fills my heart to know I have done something nice.
I also promise to blog more often. I love writing and it helps me clear my head!
Happy New Year to all!!
Just before Christmas, I lost one of my uncles. It was unexpected, shocking and brought back all the memories and feelings of my dad's passing. Uncle Paul was 75. My mom called to remind me she was turning 75 (yesterday) and that I better be extra good to her! Gotta love it......I am the good one!
It also reminded me of all the people we have lost in the last year.....family, friends, celebrities. My niece and nephew have no idea who Charles Durning was, Elizabeth Taylor, Chad Everett....these people were icons. Their films and acting were grand. They are more aware of the rappers or sports figures who lost their lives to stupidity playing with guns and drugs. (I wonder who their icons will be ......if they are not all dead in their prime) I was also reminded that the man who founded the company I work for passed. It was the first year when profit sharing was distributed there were no jokes about peoples initials, the laughter when he put a check for a missing employee in his pants 'because he got to keep it!'. Even as I write this I feel tears coming......but now they are happy tears with the memories and smiles in my heart.
I also reflect on all the changes to weight watchers over the years. We now focus on portion control.......even on the items that have 0 points. I recall one meeting I used to go to where the leader told us she brought the biggest Tupperware of salad she could manage every day AND ATE IT ALL. I know salad is filling but was it necessary to put that idea in my head (yes I tried it!). Now I am trying to really work the program and understand that even good food can't be consumed to the point of being uncomfortably full. I want to try to eat to live not live to eat. I know, a novel concept! I have a great leader in our WW at work. Deb is great and the guys are also a great inspiration. Shoot, the guys have lost so much and I can't say I have added much to the mix except I do know how to persevere. Ergo, I am tracking.......the good, the bad and the ugly! Being aware and accountable are so important. This I will continue to do.......tracking is key and being true to me will help me reach my goals.
Exercise has been lacking in my life since I started with a foot/ankle problem. The reason for the surgery was clear (bone pressing on a tendon) and it is healing well but there is still substantial swelling and stiffness. I am going to take my first class in 9 months this week. Jazzercise, how I have missed thee!! Slow and steady will win the race......but I need to get moving again. I have lost so much of my fitness. Grrrr.......time to take that part of my life back!
My dog was diagnosed with diabetes. We are still trying to control it and we will get there but until then my pooch needs me and my loving care. 2 shots per day and need to get her out walking more too!! She misses the exercise. God how I love my dog.
I started this out by saying the year is coming to an end. Not the world (Mayans..you were wrong!); not my life........just this year. I am looking forward to what it will bring. I promise to be more active in my church (I am joining the prayer shawl group to crochet some shawls), be more active for me. I promise to finish my second masters, get my health back in control. I will look for my special someone (not stalk him) because I believe he is out there....he just can't find me yet. I will continue to pay it forward and do random acts of kindness.......it fills my heart to know I have done something nice.
I also promise to blog more often. I love writing and it helps me clear my head!
Happy New Year to all!!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Taking time for me
I learned the hard way this past weekend that me time is important. How you wonder? I blew up screaming at everyone in the house when my brother and niece were goofing around. The problem was she was screeching like only a 16 year old girl can. My nephew, sick with a cold, would not blow his nose or wear a jacket....but the night before begged me to get him sudafed PE. My brother was complaining about my dog's toys........
Enough....all of you can use inside voices. I don't want to hear how sick you are if you won't wear a jacket and that nose thing is making me crazy. CAN YOU DO JUST THESE COUPLE OF THINGS FOR ME!!!
Maybe it was not appropriate to scream back but I needed to be heard. I have been spending so much time planning stuff for the weight watcher meetings, getting to jazzercise every morning even when I can't move without pain. Planning the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award roll out, getting the dog's pill/nails trimmed...this on top of my every day requests at the office. I was at my max.
I love taking the dog for a walk. We do it nightly........no matter how much pain I might be in with my plantar fasciatis. Usually by the end of the walk my muscles are warm and not as aggravated. Nice thing is I have a smile on my face and am ready to sit in front of the tv or veg in front of a 'words' game (words with friends, scramble with friends, hanging with friends). I also love looking at my fitbit (pictured on the side of this blog) checking to see how many calories I have burned, steps I have taken and looking at the encouraging statements that flash across the screen!
I love making time for me and wandering the malls. I don't have to buy anything but just going in and out of the stores to see what is out there. If something strikes my fancy I have been known to make an impromptu purchase.
Cooking helps me relax too. The repetition of cutting, the smells melding together and of course the end result of a (hopefully) good meal.
It seems I have a full plate but will continue to look for more. Gardening will be on my agenda again soon. I want to try raspberries this year. I never plant before mother's day (isn't that an old wives tale?) but will get the pots ready for the raspberries. According to the books I need to really fertilize the soil in the pots. Living in a townhouse complex I can't plant in the ground but can have a crazy time with pots. My pretty pot garden! I have never tried them before and am always up for a challenge.
Ashton Kucher convinced me to get a Nikon 1 J1 camera this weekend too. (we are close personal friends......NOT) I am looking forward to wandering about the Morton Arboretum snapping shots of nature. I am excited for the fact that when I take sassy to rescue events she can be a star with her pug friends and I can capture these moments.
I am really looking to spread my wings and try new things this next season....how about you?
Enough....all of you can use inside voices. I don't want to hear how sick you are if you won't wear a jacket and that nose thing is making me crazy. CAN YOU DO JUST THESE COUPLE OF THINGS FOR ME!!!
Maybe it was not appropriate to scream back but I needed to be heard. I have been spending so much time planning stuff for the weight watcher meetings, getting to jazzercise every morning even when I can't move without pain. Planning the Presidential Active Lifestyle Award roll out, getting the dog's pill/nails trimmed...this on top of my every day requests at the office. I was at my max.
I love taking the dog for a walk. We do it nightly........no matter how much pain I might be in with my plantar fasciatis. Usually by the end of the walk my muscles are warm and not as aggravated. Nice thing is I have a smile on my face and am ready to sit in front of the tv or veg in front of a 'words' game (words with friends, scramble with friends, hanging with friends). I also love looking at my fitbit (pictured on the side of this blog) checking to see how many calories I have burned, steps I have taken and looking at the encouraging statements that flash across the screen!
I love making time for me and wandering the malls. I don't have to buy anything but just going in and out of the stores to see what is out there. If something strikes my fancy I have been known to make an impromptu purchase.
Cooking helps me relax too. The repetition of cutting, the smells melding together and of course the end result of a (hopefully) good meal.
It seems I have a full plate but will continue to look for more. Gardening will be on my agenda again soon. I want to try raspberries this year. I never plant before mother's day (isn't that an old wives tale?) but will get the pots ready for the raspberries. According to the books I need to really fertilize the soil in the pots. Living in a townhouse complex I can't plant in the ground but can have a crazy time with pots. My pretty pot garden! I have never tried them before and am always up for a challenge.
Ashton Kucher convinced me to get a Nikon 1 J1 camera this weekend too. (we are close personal friends......NOT) I am looking forward to wandering about the Morton Arboretum snapping shots of nature. I am excited for the fact that when I take sassy to rescue events she can be a star with her pug friends and I can capture these moments.
I am really looking to spread my wings and try new things this next season....how about you?
Friday, April 20, 2012
Being the Pied Piper...
I feel like the Pied Piper of wellness at the office. Maybe my enthusiasm is contagious, but I truly believe that moving more and eating well (and clean) are huge.
I am also the pseudo HR assistant here at the office. I see the insurance expense and exposure. If we all did something just a little better today than yesterday, how much better would we feel? Down the road, how many health meds (bp, cholesterol, diabetes, etc) would we be able to stop taking?
When I have had spots of time with nothing to do (truly does not happen often) I contacted the insurance administrator to ask what could the Company do to promote wellness? What wellness programs are available, low to no cost, and easy. Let's face it, there are not more than 24 hours in a day!!
The first thing I promoted and pitched to the company was Weight Watchers. Would Elite be willing to comp out a small portion of the bill? While the boss contemplated that, I called weight watchers to see what it would take to have on site meetings. I needed to get 15 people to commit to the program and weekly meetings. Have I mentioned in the past that I work in an office with 3 girls and 50+ guys?? It took me 2 months, lots of begging/cajoling, and offering the deal to some friends outside of the office but we finally got there. On a weekly basis I have 4 girls and 11 guys attending meetings. To help them along, I have posted Points Plus Values (ppv) on the vending machine in the kitchen, by the candy jar (chocolate candy) on my desk. It is odd to hear the guys talking up the ppv on different foods, to hear them say "that is not worth the points"....didn't we think only women felt that way?! Everyone is having success, the guys are moving faster than the girls but they always lose faster. Grrrr!!
This pied piper then set up a wellness screening at the office. Everyone was offered the opportunity to do a short fasting blood screening. There was a brief questionnaire that needed to be completed. I had about 40% participation. It is a start. Again, to hear them talking about their cholesterol and what it takes to get it lower makes me smile. The best part is it was free to all employees and their family.
In the spring I will be putting together a wellness fair where different vendors/stores from the area will stop by with a service/sample/etc to make the employees aware they are here in the area, participating in our PPO.
These are all great strides......and speaking of strides I have purchased pedometers for anyone in the office who wants it. Truly no cost to them. I am also rolling out a walking program. There is a Presidential Active Lifestyle Award that I am asking the guys to join me in. Get steps/activity anyway they want, just record it. If they can't figure it out they can give me the information and one time per week I will update the forms. I have offered them a discount on Jazzercise classes (my favorite form of exercise) but not many have taken me up on the offer........what? Are they afraid of a little spandex??!!
All of these things will make us a healthier, happier work force. I have had a few guys come up to me to tell me that their doctors are impressed with the strides they have made to date. Again, a big smile on my face to think I might have had a little something to do with it.
I am their cheerleader and support. If they have questions/concerns they know if I don't have the answer I will find it. I see people all around me (at work/ facebook buddies) that are doing it and doing it consistently.
Maybe that is the key? Consistently moving, eating better and not stressing about it.....whoodathunk?
I am also the pseudo HR assistant here at the office. I see the insurance expense and exposure. If we all did something just a little better today than yesterday, how much better would we feel? Down the road, how many health meds (bp, cholesterol, diabetes, etc) would we be able to stop taking?
When I have had spots of time with nothing to do (truly does not happen often) I contacted the insurance administrator to ask what could the Company do to promote wellness? What wellness programs are available, low to no cost, and easy. Let's face it, there are not more than 24 hours in a day!!
The first thing I promoted and pitched to the company was Weight Watchers. Would Elite be willing to comp out a small portion of the bill? While the boss contemplated that, I called weight watchers to see what it would take to have on site meetings. I needed to get 15 people to commit to the program and weekly meetings. Have I mentioned in the past that I work in an office with 3 girls and 50+ guys?? It took me 2 months, lots of begging/cajoling, and offering the deal to some friends outside of the office but we finally got there. On a weekly basis I have 4 girls and 11 guys attending meetings. To help them along, I have posted Points Plus Values (ppv) on the vending machine in the kitchen, by the candy jar (chocolate candy) on my desk. It is odd to hear the guys talking up the ppv on different foods, to hear them say "that is not worth the points"....didn't we think only women felt that way?! Everyone is having success, the guys are moving faster than the girls but they always lose faster. Grrrr!!
This pied piper then set up a wellness screening at the office. Everyone was offered the opportunity to do a short fasting blood screening. There was a brief questionnaire that needed to be completed. I had about 40% participation. It is a start. Again, to hear them talking about their cholesterol and what it takes to get it lower makes me smile. The best part is it was free to all employees and their family.
In the spring I will be putting together a wellness fair where different vendors/stores from the area will stop by with a service/sample/etc to make the employees aware they are here in the area, participating in our PPO.
These are all great strides......and speaking of strides I have purchased pedometers for anyone in the office who wants it. Truly no cost to them. I am also rolling out a walking program. There is a Presidential Active Lifestyle Award that I am asking the guys to join me in. Get steps/activity anyway they want, just record it. If they can't figure it out they can give me the information and one time per week I will update the forms. I have offered them a discount on Jazzercise classes (my favorite form of exercise) but not many have taken me up on the offer........what? Are they afraid of a little spandex??!!
All of these things will make us a healthier, happier work force. I have had a few guys come up to me to tell me that their doctors are impressed with the strides they have made to date. Again, a big smile on my face to think I might have had a little something to do with it.
I am their cheerleader and support. If they have questions/concerns they know if I don't have the answer I will find it. I see people all around me (at work/ facebook buddies) that are doing it and doing it consistently.
Maybe that is the key? Consistently moving, eating better and not stressing about it.....whoodathunk?
Friday, March 9, 2012
Better than I used to be.....
In case there was any doubt, I am a huge country music fan. The stories they tell in their music usually hit me right where I live. I am loving a new one by Tim McGraw. The man is gorgeous, is a great family man, and can tell a story better than most to music. His latest hit really spoke to me.....let me explain.
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be
I try every day to be the best person I know how to be. Not only for myself (and my health) but for the people around me. It would be awfully lonely if I could not be friends with people because of a flawed ego/personality. For my health, I watch my diet. Some days are better than others. The last few days have been more of a struggle and I think I know why. Let me start by standing up and saying "Hi, my name is Elaine and I am an emotional eater" (you all respond..Hello Elaine!). Humor aside, I have been eating off my normal plan for about a week. My counselor would say it is grief but that I have made great progress in seeing it, and trying to change it before it gets too out of hand. I wonder though, how far is too far? Tonight I ate half a small cheese and spinach pizza. Regardless of the vegetables (seriously? A little spinach does not count for much) I still ate far too much. I will freeze the rest and revisit it when I have a bit more control. I am guessing this is one MY dance with the devil.......
I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
There’s one or two I might need you to help me get
Standin in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust
Part of this journey is forgiveness......forgiveness of myself. Most days feel rather comfortable; then there are days that feel like sheer hell. It is the days in the latter part that I need to take a deep breath and move on. The hard days are the ones where I surround myself with my friends and let them carry me because I am weary. When I have refilled my spirit, I thank you all graciously and continue. Please know that I am always here for you too. It is the best part of friendship. Part of this journey is learning to surround myself with an environment that is conducive to the life I want to lead. If I surround myself with junk, all that can come out is junk. Being good to myself is feeling good and I finally believe that I am worthy of the good fortune sent my way.
I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won't lie
Although overall I feel I am a pretty good person, I know I can be a stubborn old ass. It is part of my heritage and family! It is a trait that I am not always so proud of...but it is also the other side of the strong person who will have my friends' back if need be and hold steadfast to my beliefs. As much of a good person I can be, I can be a stinker. This is not only outwardly but inward too. I have been listening and watching how I treat the people I love and it makes me smile most of the time. I know I have hurt people's feelings and can be cruel, but it is not who I want to be. Life teaches us many lessons......and knowing we can continue to grow and evolve excites me.
World, I am stepping out of the box and out of my comfort zone. I want to experience anything you can throw at me. Understand that if I crawl into my crab shell (my illustrious zodiac sign) it might just be to take a break but I will resurface stronger and wiser. Or at least that is the plan.
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be
I took the lyrics from Tim McGraw's latest song out of sequence but I think you understand what they mean to me. We are all diamonds in the rough and I hope we all move in a direction that allows us to shine!
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be
I try every day to be the best person I know how to be. Not only for myself (and my health) but for the people around me. It would be awfully lonely if I could not be friends with people because of a flawed ego/personality. For my health, I watch my diet. Some days are better than others. The last few days have been more of a struggle and I think I know why. Let me start by standing up and saying "Hi, my name is Elaine and I am an emotional eater" (you all respond..Hello Elaine!). Humor aside, I have been eating off my normal plan for about a week. My counselor would say it is grief but that I have made great progress in seeing it, and trying to change it before it gets too out of hand. I wonder though, how far is too far? Tonight I ate half a small cheese and spinach pizza. Regardless of the vegetables (seriously? A little spinach does not count for much) I still ate far too much. I will freeze the rest and revisit it when I have a bit more control. I am guessing this is one MY dance with the devil.......
I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
There’s one or two I might need you to help me get
Standin in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust
Part of this journey is forgiveness......forgiveness of myself. Most days feel rather comfortable; then there are days that feel like sheer hell. It is the days in the latter part that I need to take a deep breath and move on. The hard days are the ones where I surround myself with my friends and let them carry me because I am weary. When I have refilled my spirit, I thank you all graciously and continue. Please know that I am always here for you too. It is the best part of friendship. Part of this journey is learning to surround myself with an environment that is conducive to the life I want to lead. If I surround myself with junk, all that can come out is junk. Being good to myself is feeling good and I finally believe that I am worthy of the good fortune sent my way.
I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won't lie
Although overall I feel I am a pretty good person, I know I can be a stubborn old ass. It is part of my heritage and family! It is a trait that I am not always so proud of...but it is also the other side of the strong person who will have my friends' back if need be and hold steadfast to my beliefs. As much of a good person I can be, I can be a stinker. This is not only outwardly but inward too. I have been listening and watching how I treat the people I love and it makes me smile most of the time. I know I have hurt people's feelings and can be cruel, but it is not who I want to be. Life teaches us many lessons......and knowing we can continue to grow and evolve excites me.
World, I am stepping out of the box and out of my comfort zone. I want to experience anything you can throw at me. Understand that if I crawl into my crab shell (my illustrious zodiac sign) it might just be to take a break but I will resurface stronger and wiser. Or at least that is the plan.
I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be
I took the lyrics from Tim McGraw's latest song out of sequence but I think you understand what they mean to me. We are all diamonds in the rough and I hope we all move in a direction that allows us to shine!
Monday, March 5, 2012
In memoriam.....
I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it is almost 1 year since my dad passed. Lord knows I loved my dad.......I talked to him almost everyday, especially if he was in the hospital. I had a nice chat with him the night before he passed. For that I have no regrets.
I do realize that my dad was his own worst enemy. He loved his wine (and vodka), he loved to eat. There was real passion in his choice of meals. He smoked, did not exercise and until he got sick never went to the doctor....and he appeared to be healthy. I have learned the difference.
Admittedly, I learned to make spaghetti gravy and Italian sausage from scratch from my parents and my maternal grandmother. Spaghetti gravy making was a family affair that once we moved became an extended family affair by corralling any friends to the process who wanted to join in. Deciding to make Italian sausage was also a huge undertaking by cutting up pork butts and seasoning them properly to then fill casings and tying off large ropes of pork waiting to be cooked and put into a spaghetti pot.
My love of sweets.....oh dear Dad. He loved his fudge. Knowing he was diabetic and having to choose sugar free fudge was hard BUT he was willing to make that compromise. If it was my chocolate chip cookies........there was no compromise there. Extra insulin might be required at the end of the night because he was NOT giving up any of my home baked treats. I may not enjoy the home baked items as much as he did BUT I have not met a pretzel or chip I have not liked!
We all have our vises.....and Dad battled those. Drinking to excess on occasion and his love of cigarettes made me shake my head. I did not understand the hold....or maybe I did. The cigarettes than anything had a hold on him. How ridiculous is it to have to carry oxygen and use a scooter to turn to oxygen tank off to have a cigarette? I will admit to disappointment in seeing that happen but I understand the hold a demon has on us. In the same vein I can be that way with food in general. I have, a time or two, eaten a meal and then see something even better (perceived or otherwise) AND have eaten again. It is MY demon talking to me.
This is not meant to talk about Dad and his vices, but more of what I have learned and try to share everyday with my friends and associates if they ask or listen.
Dad, you taught me that exercise and diet are important. I have seen diabetes take hold of so many people in our family. Most of it was adult onset diabetes......as a matter of fact it has ALL been adult onset. Being overweight is a key component. Being sedentary is also key. As much as I love you and our family I do not want to have to stick my fingers several times per day or shoot myself full of insulin because I chose to have a carb laden meal. I don't want to lose my breath taking a walk and talking to a friend; I want to enjoy the scenery and chat with my companions.
I was taught about cooking from scratch and not depending on processed foods for meals. I will never forget making the spaghetti sauce and freezing it; making the Italian sausage or other delicious meals that were made and frozen for a later date. I will always remember our holidays and how we would bake for weeks on end (ok, it was all me baking) but all the Christmas eves we had with friends and family. We would make shrimp, spaghetti aioli, garlic bread, stuffies...the list went on. We almost never went out to dinner growing up, but I learned to make a mean sandwich steak with tons of sauteed sweet onions. Between mom and grandma we NEVER bought a pizza until we were much older. It was always home made with the freshest ingredients. How many BBQ meals did we have with friends and family? It was all fresh........not store bought meals.
By watching you go from doctor to doctor with various aliments you have taught me to have my annual exams. I want to be proactive rather than reactive to a situation. Wellness checks are easier and less expensive to handle.
Dad, I know you are watching me and I hope you are proud of me. I am most assured you are. I want to share my experiences so maybe someone won't worry every time the phone rings and sees a phone number from family 1200 miles away wondering if it is bad news. I want to encourage friends to take their health seriously. As much as I love you dad, it frustrated the hell out of me when I could tell you were out smoking. You knew it was bad for you but you could not shake that monkey on your back just as I battle my emotional eating. I am winning the battle as you did the last year or so of your life.
You and mom have instilled values and lessons I am grateful for. I hope I can share just a little of what you gave me to help enhance someone's life just a little. You both have given me so much.
All that being said, Daddy I miss you. I would love to hear your voice one more time or get onee more hug. I love you and miss you.......
until we meet again.........xxoo
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