Better than I used to be.....

In case there was any doubt, I am a huge country music fan. The stories they tell in their music usually hit me right where I live. I am loving a new one by Tim McGraw. The man is gorgeous, is a great family man, and can tell a story better than most to music. His latest hit really spoke to me.....let me explain.

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be


I try every day to be the best person I know how to be. Not only for myself (and my health) but for the people around me. It would be awfully lonely if I could not be friends with people because of a flawed ego/personality. For my health, I watch my diet. Some days are better than others. The last few days have been more of a struggle and I think I know why. Let me start by standing up and saying "Hi, my name is Elaine and I am an emotional eater" (you all respond..Hello Elaine!). Humor aside, I have been eating off my normal plan for about a week. My counselor would say it is grief but that I have made great progress in seeing it, and trying to change it before it gets too out of hand. I wonder though, how far is too far? Tonight I ate half a small cheese and spinach pizza. Regardless of the vegetables (seriously? A little spinach does not count for much) I still ate far too much. I will freeze the rest and revisit it when I have a bit more control. I am guessing this is one MY dance with the devil.......




I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
There’s one or two I might need you to help me get
Standin in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust


Part of this journey is forgiveness......forgiveness of myself. Most days feel rather comfortable; then there are days that feel like sheer hell. It is the days in the latter part that I need to take a deep breath and move on. The hard days are the ones where I surround myself with my friends and let them carry me because I am weary. When I have refilled my spirit, I thank you all graciously and continue. Please know that I am always here for you too. It is the best part of friendship. Part of this journey is learning to surround myself with an environment that is conducive to the life I want to lead. If I surround myself with junk, all that can come out is junk. Being good to myself is feeling good and I finally believe that I am worthy of the good fortune sent my way.


I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won't lie


Although overall I feel I am a pretty good person, I know I can be a stubborn old ass. It is part of my heritage and family! It is a trait that I am not always so proud of...but it is also the other side of the strong person who will have my friends' back if need be and hold steadfast to my beliefs. As much of a good person I can be, I can be a stinker. This is not only outwardly but inward too. I have been listening and watching how I treat the people I love and it makes me smile most of the time. I know I have hurt people's feelings and can be cruel, but it is not who I want to be. Life teaches us many lessons......and knowing we can continue to grow and evolve excites me.


World, I am stepping out of the box and out of my comfort zone. I want to experience anything you can throw at me. Understand that if I crawl into my crab shell (my illustrious zodiac sign) it might just be to take a break but I will resurface stronger and wiser. Or at least that is the plan.


I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be


I took the lyrics from Tim McGraw's latest song out of sequence but I think you understand what they mean to me. We are all diamonds in the rough and I hope we all move in a direction that allows us to shine!