In memoriam.....

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it is almost 1 year since my dad passed. Lord knows I loved my dad.......I talked to him almost everyday, especially if he was in the hospital. I had a nice chat with him the night before he passed. For that I have no regrets.


I do realize that my dad was his own worst enemy. He loved his wine (and vodka), he loved to eat. There was real passion in his choice of meals. He smoked, did not exercise and until he got sick never went to the doctor....and he appeared to be healthy. I have learned the difference.


Admittedly, I learned to make spaghetti gravy and Italian sausage from scratch from my parents and my maternal grandmother. Spaghetti gravy making was a family affair that once we moved became an extended family affair by corralling any friends to the process who wanted to join in. Deciding to make Italian sausage was also a huge undertaking by cutting up pork butts and seasoning them properly to then fill casings and tying off large ropes of pork waiting to be cooked and put into a spaghetti pot.


My love of sweets.....oh dear Dad. He loved his fudge. Knowing he was diabetic and having to choose sugar free fudge was hard BUT he was willing to make that compromise. If it was my chocolate chip cookies........there was no compromise there. Extra insulin might be required at the end of the night because he was NOT giving up any of my home baked treats. I may not enjoy the home baked items as much as he did BUT I have not met a pretzel or chip I have not liked!


We all have our vises.....and Dad battled those. Drinking to excess on occasion and his love of cigarettes made me shake my head. I did not understand the hold....or maybe I did. The cigarettes than anything had a hold on him. How ridiculous is it to have to carry oxygen and use a scooter to turn to oxygen tank off to have a cigarette? I will admit to disappointment in seeing that happen but I understand the hold a demon has on us. In the same vein I can be that way with food in general. I have, a time or two, eaten a meal and then see something even better (perceived or otherwise) AND have eaten again. It is MY demon talking to me.


This is not meant to talk about Dad and his vices, but more of what I have learned and try to share everyday with my friends and associates if they ask or listen.

Dad, you taught me that exercise and diet are important. I have seen diabetes take hold of so many people in our family. Most of it was adult onset diabetes......as a matter of fact it has ALL been adult onset. Being overweight is a key component. Being sedentary is also key. As much as I love you and our family I do not want to have to stick my fingers several times per day or shoot myself full of insulin because I chose to have a carb laden meal. I don't want to lose my breath taking a walk and talking to a friend; I want to enjoy the scenery and chat with my companions.


I was taught about cooking from scratch and not depending on processed foods for meals. I will never forget making the spaghetti sauce and freezing it; making the Italian sausage or other delicious meals that were made and frozen for a later date. I will always remember our holidays and how we would bake for weeks on end (ok, it was all me baking) but all the Christmas eves we had with friends and family. We would make shrimp, spaghetti aioli, garlic bread, stuffies...the list went on. We almost never went out to dinner growing up, but I learned to make a mean sandwich steak with tons of sauteed sweet onions. Between mom and grandma we NEVER bought a pizza until we were much older. It was always home made with the freshest ingredients. How many BBQ meals did we have with friends and family? It was all fresh........not store bought meals.


By watching you go from doctor to doctor with various aliments you have taught me to have my annual exams. I want to be proactive rather than reactive to a situation. Wellness checks are easier and less expensive to handle.


Dad, I know you are watching me and I hope you are proud of me. I am most assured you are. I want to share my experiences so maybe someone won't worry every time the phone rings and sees a phone number from family 1200 miles away wondering if it is bad news. I want to encourage friends to take their health seriously. As much as I love you dad, it frustrated the hell out of me when I could tell you were out smoking. You knew it was bad for you but you could not shake that monkey on your back just as I battle my emotional eating. I am winning the battle as you did the last year or so of your life.


You and mom have instilled values and lessons I am grateful for. I hope I can share just a little of what you gave me to help enhance someone's life just a little. You both have given me so much.


All that being said, Daddy I miss you. I would love to hear your voice one more time or get onee more hug. I love you and miss you.......

until we meet again.........xxoo