Finding Mr. Close Enough......

I have not given up on finding my knight in shining armor; I think his armor will not be so shiny....let's face it we are getting older!  And according to my grandmother, there were plenty of fish in the sea....(oh I hope he is not rusty....)

Over the years, starting in my twenties, I tried the video dating service.  I made a video to which they asked questions and I answered them with my witty fashion (or so I thought). They took a bunch of pictures and I answered all kinds of profile questions.  I told them the age range I was looking for, ethnicity, income, and education level....and how far I was willing to drive.  It started out as a good idea except their closest office was by a big mall in Schaumburg.  Their hours were not totally convenient; and I was lazy about the drive.  When I would call and ask why I was not getting any 'hits' so to speak, they would encourage me to come out an go through the books myself.  Lo and behold, they had several items wrong on my profile.  One was ethnicity.  I am not a prejudiced person but I knew that I could not bring home an African American to meet my very old fashioned Italian father!  I finally gave up and figured there were other fish to fry......

A few years had gone by and I had met a young man and was very much in love; so much so that I was willing to give up my job in the big city and move to a farm town in Iowa.  I was going to take his job at the same company (transfer) and he was going to run his father's farm.  Did I mention that when I lived briefly in Iowa, it was the worst 3 years of my life?  This was true love!!  Unfortunately, he was killed in a car accident.  I ended up changing jobs (downsizing at a most inopportune time) and trying to move on with my life.

This was a point in time where newspapers had personal ads.  I wrote a really nice and short ad.  I remember one line was something like 'I may not be a cover model but I have not broken any clocks either!'.  I ran the ad for 3 weeks; and I waited.  People had to write to the ad.....no phone calls, no internet.  I was in my glory.  I got to see if people could put full sentences together!  Did they have real ideas and know how to express themselves?  Every Wednesday and Friday I would run home during lunch to grab the big envelope I would receive from the newspaper.  It was our entertainment!!  I shared the fruits of my ad with the other girls in the office and boy did we laugh.

Let me think, I was sent notes from boys as young as 19 and as old as 65.  My ad said I was looking for someone between 28-35 (I had just turned 30 so I figured I could go a little older if I wanted to but no younger....there was an unspoken rule not to date anyone younger than my younger brother!)  I think I went on 2 dates.  One guy spent the night telling me about his divorce and tried to get me in a Ponzi type scheme.  I passed on that!!  One guy could not look me in the eye while we met for lunch.  Did not hear from him but did end up meeting him a year or two later when I was on a temp assignment when I was between jobs...imagine his surprise!  Sorry, I regress.....

I did an analysis of people who wrote to me.  65% were in jail.  Yep......each and everyone of them told me they were in jail by mistake.  One shot his brother in law in the ass for being a jerk...could I really wait for him?  Would I write to him?  There was the man who was an ice skating coach who loved coffee enemas.  Yes, that is not a typo!  I faxed that letter all over the world because I could not believe he wrote to me!!  I also responded to ads and more often than not got zero response.  One guy did write me a number of times and initially I thought it was just junk mail and did not answer him.  When I realized that he was a real person I responded.  Well, he sent me a bunch of pictures of himself....posing in suits, jeans and sweater....kind of like a Christian Grey before there was a Christian Grey!!  I did send a picture and he wrote me to tell me I was not in his league and not to bother writing again.  Well.....I NEVER!  A co-worker wrote him back because she was more upset than I was!  Told him that he was a jerk and that he would be lucky to find a gal like me.  I agreed with her but was not going to waste time or energy on him.

I let a few years go by again.  I was a busy gal.  I was bowling in a league; out with friends; moving into my own place; visiting family on the east coast and taking trips to California, Texas, Maine....dropping in on friends.  I was working on my masters; learning to knit (I knew how to crochet), took ice skating lessons with one friend.....I was a busy gal.

I then tried dating websites.  The internet was upon us.  I met a guy that brought his daughters with him on the date.  I was shocked when I walked into the mall (food court was a safe place to meet) and saw him NOT alone!  To this day, I have a friend who cannot walk by the one food court where the water fountain is....she can visualize him trying to kiss me with his kids in the background.  I told him I was not interested (background, retired military, going to school to learn a trade, divorced, lived with 2 friends in a small apartment....) and he became offended.  Then there was the gentleman (term used loosely.....he taught ROTC in a local high school and talked about romance....I thought I hit the jackpot!).  We met at a bookstore for coffee and talk.  Bookstore was busy.....we walked over to Starbucks.  I am asking him questions about himself, etc.  He keeps asking me about romance.  Now I am not stupid but after about 15 minutes I figured out romance to him = SEX.  Well, I basically told him it was not going to happen.  Before I even consider something like that I have to know a person.  He told me he had to go blow his nose and would be right back.  20 minutes later I figured I got ditched.  IN A BOOKSTORE!  For the record, I did ask my guy pals at work what their definition of romance was and ONLY 1 said SEX.  He got slapped in the back of the head and the others all got special gifts from me!!

Since then I have tried several other websites.  I met one guy that I thought was a sweetheart.....yeah, after a few months and a few hundred miles (long distance does not always work) I had to give up.  I met another guy that was on strike with is job, living with friends, no money and going to school.  He wanted me to make everything right in his world......not my job hon!  Oh, and the guy who would only meet in bars that were inside hotels......NOT HAPPENING in this lifetime!

My biggest complaint with the websites and they do not listen to my profile requests. I want a man who can take care of himself AND maybe some of my wants.  I already take care of my needs (home, car, job).  I want him to be local (15 miles local.....NOT Canada, NOT California, NOT Wisconsin.....good old local IL in the far western suburbs would be ideal).  I want him not to feel the need to drink daily (that signals a problem to me); don't tell me that you are separated and she does not get you.  When you are divorced, give me a call.  Don't tell me you are between jobs....I am not Chateau Russo.  Don't tell me you are agnostic or don't believe in God.....I am a practicing Catholic.  I don't expect you to attend mass with me (would be nice) but there is someone greater than all of us......believe that!  Don't tell me you want me to give up my worldly possessions to follow you and your godly ways...what does that even mean?

Short of spending an amount equal to a good down payment on a Ford Focus (stolen from the movie 'The Wedding Date') I know he is out there.  I will try a few more websites.  I will keep my eye on who I respond to and who goes into the whirling vortex of evil never to be seen again.  I am going to keep taking cooking classes, sign up for some dance lessons.  I am going to hang with my peeps and go to the occasional movie.  I am going to have fun and live my life......whether that takes me to Arizona to visit my mom, to Massachusetts to go on a stealth mission to visit friends and NOT family, or if it takes me to my motherland of Italy and finally see the town where the Russo's all began.  Grass will not grow under my feet.  I will go back to jazzercise, the gym......maybe take some long walks but really focus on who I am and not sitting around waiting.  Life is too short.

My Christian Grey (for those who have read the trilogy 50 Shades of Grey) might be looking for me and then again he might not.  It's all ok.  I am becoming more comfortable in my skin every day and I am pretty awesome!!  (despite lack of activity on my dating profiles).  Someone once told me that I might find who I am looking for while I am doing what I love.....who knows!

As a final parting note.....Mr. I am Ditching you in the Bookstore popped up on a website I have been lurking on.  He sent me a note to meet.  I asked if he was 'Joe' and he said yes.  I said we have already met once before.  He wanted to meet again.  I said no, I don't need your kind of romance.......I wonder if he remembers?!

I will let you know how the prospects look.....could be a lot of fun!!  I recently watched the movie 'See Jane Date'.....maybe I can be me too!!  Got my fishing pole ready Grandma.....send them down!