Finding Mr. Close Enough......

I have not given up on finding my knight in shining armor; I think his armor will not be so shiny....let's face it we are getting older!  And according to my grandmother, there were plenty of fish in the sea....(oh I hope he is not rusty....)

Over the years, starting in my twenties, I tried the video dating service.  I made a video to which they asked questions and I answered them with my witty fashion (or so I thought). They took a bunch of pictures and I answered all kinds of profile questions.  I told them the age range I was looking for, ethnicity, income, and education level....and how far I was willing to drive.  It started out as a good idea except their closest office was by a big mall in Schaumburg.  Their hours were not totally convenient; and I was lazy about the drive.  When I would call and ask why I was not getting any 'hits' so to speak, they would encourage me to come out an go through the books myself.  Lo and behold, they had several items wrong on my profile.  One was ethnicity.  I am not a prejudiced person but I knew that I could not bring home an African American to meet my very old fashioned Italian father!  I finally gave up and figured there were other fish to fry......

A few years had gone by and I had met a young man and was very much in love; so much so that I was willing to give up my job in the big city and move to a farm town in Iowa.  I was going to take his job at the same company (transfer) and he was going to run his father's farm.  Did I mention that when I lived briefly in Iowa, it was the worst 3 years of my life?  This was true love!!  Unfortunately, he was killed in a car accident.  I ended up changing jobs (downsizing at a most inopportune time) and trying to move on with my life.

This was a point in time where newspapers had personal ads.  I wrote a really nice and short ad.  I remember one line was something like 'I may not be a cover model but I have not broken any clocks either!'.  I ran the ad for 3 weeks; and I waited.  People had to write to the ad.....no phone calls, no internet.  I was in my glory.  I got to see if people could put full sentences together!  Did they have real ideas and know how to express themselves?  Every Wednesday and Friday I would run home during lunch to grab the big envelope I would receive from the newspaper.  It was our entertainment!!  I shared the fruits of my ad with the other girls in the office and boy did we laugh.

Let me think, I was sent notes from boys as young as 19 and as old as 65.  My ad said I was looking for someone between 28-35 (I had just turned 30 so I figured I could go a little older if I wanted to but no younger....there was an unspoken rule not to date anyone younger than my younger brother!)  I think I went on 2 dates.  One guy spent the night telling me about his divorce and tried to get me in a Ponzi type scheme.  I passed on that!!  One guy could not look me in the eye while we met for lunch.  Did not hear from him but did end up meeting him a year or two later when I was on a temp assignment when I was between jobs...imagine his surprise!  Sorry, I regress.....

I did an analysis of people who wrote to me.  65% were in jail.  Yep......each and everyone of them told me they were in jail by mistake.  One shot his brother in law in the ass for being a jerk...could I really wait for him?  Would I write to him?  There was the man who was an ice skating coach who loved coffee enemas.  Yes, that is not a typo!  I faxed that letter all over the world because I could not believe he wrote to me!!  I also responded to ads and more often than not got zero response.  One guy did write me a number of times and initially I thought it was just junk mail and did not answer him.  When I realized that he was a real person I responded.  Well, he sent me a bunch of pictures of himself....posing in suits, jeans and sweater....kind of like a Christian Grey before there was a Christian Grey!!  I did send a picture and he wrote me to tell me I was not in his league and not to bother writing again.  Well.....I NEVER!  A co-worker wrote him back because she was more upset than I was!  Told him that he was a jerk and that he would be lucky to find a gal like me.  I agreed with her but was not going to waste time or energy on him.

I let a few years go by again.  I was a busy gal.  I was bowling in a league; out with friends; moving into my own place; visiting family on the east coast and taking trips to California, Texas, Maine....dropping in on friends.  I was working on my masters; learning to knit (I knew how to crochet), took ice skating lessons with one friend.....I was a busy gal.

I then tried dating websites.  The internet was upon us.  I met a guy that brought his daughters with him on the date.  I was shocked when I walked into the mall (food court was a safe place to meet) and saw him NOT alone!  To this day, I have a friend who cannot walk by the one food court where the water fountain is....she can visualize him trying to kiss me with his kids in the background.  I told him I was not interested (background, retired military, going to school to learn a trade, divorced, lived with 2 friends in a small apartment....) and he became offended.  Then there was the gentleman (term used loosely.....he taught ROTC in a local high school and talked about romance....I thought I hit the jackpot!).  We met at a bookstore for coffee and talk.  Bookstore was busy.....we walked over to Starbucks.  I am asking him questions about himself, etc.  He keeps asking me about romance.  Now I am not stupid but after about 15 minutes I figured out romance to him = SEX.  Well, I basically told him it was not going to happen.  Before I even consider something like that I have to know a person.  He told me he had to go blow his nose and would be right back.  20 minutes later I figured I got ditched.  IN A BOOKSTORE!  For the record, I did ask my guy pals at work what their definition of romance was and ONLY 1 said SEX.  He got slapped in the back of the head and the others all got special gifts from me!!

Since then I have tried several other websites.  I met one guy that I thought was a sweetheart.....yeah, after a few months and a few hundred miles (long distance does not always work) I had to give up.  I met another guy that was on strike with is job, living with friends, no money and going to school.  He wanted me to make everything right in his world......not my job hon!  Oh, and the guy who would only meet in bars that were inside hotels......NOT HAPPENING in this lifetime!

My biggest complaint with the websites and they do not listen to my profile requests. I want a man who can take care of himself AND maybe some of my wants.  I already take care of my needs (home, car, job).  I want him to be local (15 miles local.....NOT Canada, NOT California, NOT Wisconsin.....good old local IL in the far western suburbs would be ideal).  I want him not to feel the need to drink daily (that signals a problem to me); don't tell me that you are separated and she does not get you.  When you are divorced, give me a call.  Don't tell me you are between jobs....I am not Chateau Russo.  Don't tell me you are agnostic or don't believe in God.....I am a practicing Catholic.  I don't expect you to attend mass with me (would be nice) but there is someone greater than all of us......believe that!  Don't tell me you want me to give up my worldly possessions to follow you and your godly ways...what does that even mean?

Short of spending an amount equal to a good down payment on a Ford Focus (stolen from the movie 'The Wedding Date') I know he is out there.  I will try a few more websites.  I will keep my eye on who I respond to and who goes into the whirling vortex of evil never to be seen again.  I am going to keep taking cooking classes, sign up for some dance lessons.  I am going to hang with my peeps and go to the occasional movie.  I am going to have fun and live my life......whether that takes me to Arizona to visit my mom, to Massachusetts to go on a stealth mission to visit friends and NOT family, or if it takes me to my motherland of Italy and finally see the town where the Russo's all began.  Grass will not grow under my feet.  I will go back to jazzercise, the gym......maybe take some long walks but really focus on who I am and not sitting around waiting.  Life is too short.

My Christian Grey (for those who have read the trilogy 50 Shades of Grey) might be looking for me and then again he might not.  It's all ok.  I am becoming more comfortable in my skin every day and I am pretty awesome!!  (despite lack of activity on my dating profiles).  Someone once told me that I might find who I am looking for while I am doing what I love.....who knows!

As a final parting note.....Mr. I am Ditching you in the Bookstore popped up on a website I have been lurking on.  He sent me a note to meet.  I asked if he was 'Joe' and he said yes.  I said we have already met once before.  He wanted to meet again.  I said no, I don't need your kind of romance.......I wonder if he remembers?!

I will let you know how the prospects look.....could be a lot of fun!!  I recently watched the movie 'See Jane Date'.....maybe I can be me too!!  Got my fishing pole ready Grandma.....send them down!

Movement, Fear, Forgiveness.....and figuring it all out!

I have been participating in the 21 Get Moving Challenge with Nichole Kellerman.  It is a simple concept of JUST MOVE.  If today it feels like just walking......do it; if a mind/body workout is calling your name....do it; if a good stretch is shouting to you.......do it; and if your body asks you to rest......just do it.

For the last 18 months, my movement has been curtailed by a few foot/ankle surgeries and pre-surgery procedures and post-surgery procedures....grrr.  It has been very frustrating that I was a very active woman.  I went to Jazzercise 3 times per week, to the gym a time or two to work with my favorite trainer nicknamed Helga, and I walked my favorite fur baby for miles every night..  I logged mile after mile and was so happy.  One Sunday morning, my fur ball of energy decided she needed to go out walking in the snow.  It was a pretty, light, fun  and soft snow.  We got about 4 blocks from the house and I slid on black ice.  It appears that I dislodged a small piece of bone in the heel and did some damage to the tendons.  My fabulous podiatrist suggested I try spending time in a boot.  I did that for a few weeks.  I did get some relief.  Got out of the boot....it got worse.  Pain was shooting up my leg and the calf muscle was permanently (or so it felt) tight.  Surgery was suggested after enduring months of multiple shots of medication trying to resolve the pain.  It was the longest, dark time in my life.  I was on crutches, stuck in the boot for MONTHS.  Funny thing is walking the the boot, dancing in the boot, was impossible. I gave up

 That was the sad part.  I gave up.  I only understood movement as being jazzercise, walking and working with the trainer.  It was hard to hobble in the boot as my stride (for what little it was) was off.  My whole body ached.  It was suggested that I get regular massages to make it feel better.  It would feel better for the moment but it did not last long.  I did not spend much time out of the boot so I thought I could not try the stretches or movement the massage therapist suggested.  I did not try yoga, I did not try things that I could do.

As I have been working through a program for the last year I am now realizing it was fear stopping me.  Fear of the unknown.  I only knew the movement I was used to.  It was fear of failure.......what happened if I did not successfully do something.  Was I a failure?  That scared me most of all.

I have learned that failure is NOT failure.....it is a stumble along the way.  The true failure is in not trying.  If I hid from life I did not have to try so I did not have to fail.

So, after much time, more surgery and NOT being AFRAID of the exercises the doctor gave me (funny how he should know what is best for me......isn't that what I am paying him for?!) my foot is feeling better.

I have taken time to work through the fear.  I have written many notes and letters to myself in forgiveness.  The list is endless but it started with, I forgive myself for not listening to my body; I forgive myself for not trying the simple exercises ; I forgive myself for not honoring my body with nutrition that it needed to heal; I forgive myself for being afraid to fail; I forgive myself.  I have also taken the time to tell myself how proud I am of my progress.

The best part of all of this......I have been taking the dog for short walks (it has been brutally cold and snowy....and when the snow is almost over her head it is not a great idea to wander too far!).  I have been doing some great mind/body workouts (easy versions with modifications I am comfortable with).  I have gone to the gym to ride the recumbent bike.  I have been stretching and doing the resistance band exercises the doctor gave me....and today I took my first Jazzercise class in 18 months.   It is a start.  I will not be jumping back into 3-4 times per week.  This is baby steps and I will be adding this to the laps I do in the office, stretching, Leslie Sansone's walking off the pounds videos.  I will slowly incorporate all my favorite things into my active daily life.....and now that I have found other things that are just as much fun, I have one helluva repertoire at my beck and call!

It is pretty cool when it all starts to come together.....I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Plodding along........and measuring success

As I mentioned earlier, I have specific goal cards that I look at every day.  I also have a pretty box, that as I achieve my goals (or they have become part of my everyday routine), the goal card will be retired to.  At any given time I can see how far I have come and what has brought a smile to my face!

One goal that I have been working on is drinking more water.  There are times that it is not a challenge at all....I rather enjoy it; then there are the days that I would rather die than look at another glass of that clear, cool beverage.  In any case, that goal card is getting close to being retired...

Retiring the goal cards is one way I am measuring my success.  Another way is realizing changes in my thought process and behavior.  An example.....tonight I ate some crackers; actually quite a few crackers to the point that I am not feeling my best.  In the past, I would have just beaten myself up from the time I finished through the next 100 years!  It would have been a sign of failure and imperfection.  Today, I opened my journal and started writing....and writing.  I could not identify what was bothering me.  I tried writing more and still nothing was coming to mind.  I put my hand over my heart and forgave myself.....'I am sorry that I have not honored my body with food that is good and nourishing; I am sorry that I have mistreated my body; I forgive myself for this and love that I have an opportunity starting right now to honor my body with everything it needs to provide me a successful and active life'

By the time I finished this, it came to me....I had been cleaning out my purse and had a bunch of change that was weighing me down!  I pulled it out and put it in my change jar.  Then I thought, why not empty my bowl that I toss the change into from my coat pockets.  As I dug through there, I found the Navy ring my last boyfriend had given me.  It pulled up some memories that I thought were long exorcised.  I guess not, eh?  I have put the ring away (I can't throw it away.....but I can put it in a safe place that someday I will be able to look at it with fond memories) and did a little more journaling.  I forgive that man, who had so many issues of his own, because he could not be the man I needed him to be.  He could not give me what I needed because he could not take care of himself.  I am not meant to save him, and that is what he wanted from me....he wanted me to take care of all his problems and tell him what to do.  He needs to do that on his own.  I pray that he is well and that he can find his way.......he was a wonderful, caring person who gave many years of his life to serving our country (I think he had issues to work through) and gave one child to the service who was killed in action.  I pray his other 2 boys are safe and sound.

Another measure of success in weight loss is......let's say it together.....the number on the scale!  I am trying not to describe myself or label myself by a number.  There are so many other facets to me.  The number on the scale is a small fraction of what I am about.  Today, the scale did not say what I wanted it to.  In all reality, the previous 2 weeks I had lost 9 lbs (crazy ....I know but when you give up the junk lots of water weight or fluff comes off fast) so I believe that my body is resetting itself.  We are not meant to lose that fast ...it is not safe.

In the past I would have pouted and eaten myself into a sick stupor.  Today I had my meals planned and just plodded along.  What does it prove to punish your body when it does not respond as you want it to?  It really defeats the purpose.  I have to say it was the first time my WW leader disappointed me when she asked if I had been tracking.....chick, you try losing 10 lbs in 2 weeks and see how much your body wants to give up!!  It is a number........just a number.

I am continuing to plan good and healthy meals.  I will continue to move more than I have in the past.  I will acknowledge when my body likes something (making a note to do it again) and make a similar notation for things it does not like (don't do the same thing again expecting different results).  My body is the only one I have.  It is time to treat it like the princess I believe I am.....right?!

Time to fill my water glass......again.  See you all soon!!

Is it failure or is it just our prerogative to change our mind?

One of the goals I have set for myself is to get to the gym to ride the recumbent bike.  No impact, great music on my iPhone, and a killer workout especially if I choose the hills!  But let me start a little in the past....get you caught up on the voices in my head.

I have been taught that it is all or nothing.  Let me say that again......ALL OR NOTHING.  Somehow that does not seem fair.  I am learning that the old attitude of ALL OR NOTHING (aka Perfection) is overrated.  I used to plan to get to the gym on Monday and Wednesday.  Tuesday/Thursday and sometimes Friday was for Jazzercise ........and the weekends were up in the air.  I would play those days by ear.  It was a plan, it was structure.....and in my little world, it was cast in stone.  If I did not meet the schedule I FAILED.  I hate failing......ANYTHING.  I was programmed to be the perfect first born......get good grades, go to the schools I wanted to (to some extent), work hard...that is life.

In the last year, with some help from a friend I met through an online movement program, I have deprogrammed myself of perfection.....well, I am maybe 85% there.  Now, I have a plan; the plan is a living thing that reminds me that THINGS happen to monkey with the schedule.....and that is ok.  It gives me the opportunity to think outside the box AND CHOOSE to try something in place of the schedule.  Really....it erases the failure.  I get to choose; I get to redirect; I get a 're-do' button and it makes me happy.

This past week, Chiberia (aka the Chicagoland area) took away my scheduled appointment with the gym.  It was -14*F with a windchill of -50*F.  That is some kind of cold!  Most places closed.......especially if you did NOT have to be there.  At 5am, I did not HAVE to be at the gym.  It is a choice and it was changed for me.  For the first time in a long time, I took the change as an opportunity to try some strength training.  I did 50 squats and 50 push-ups (my toes were not cooperating so I did some on my knees and others against the wall) BUT I still got some movement.  I did go to work so I had the chance to do laps around the lab.  I had choices and opportunities to do something different and I grabbed it just like I grabbed the gold ring on the carousel growing up.  The 'dobbie horses' or the carousel was always my favorite ride.....it made me smile.

This week, trying different things when getting to the gym was not an option, put a smile on my face.  Seeing my fitbit read that I was putting 4,000+ steps out there (fitbit is a type of pedometer).  Since my foot surgery 18 months or so ago I have not been getting that far.  I STEPPED IT UP.....(pun intended) and I am ok with it.  As a matter of fact I am ecstatic!  I did not allow my injury dictate what I could do.

That is progress!  That is what this new year is about.......trying different avenues when I find a roadblock, trying the different fork in the road......it is about NOT doing the same thing expecting different results.

Yay me!

Shoot for the moon.....and even if I fail I still land among the stars!

Attempting goal #1

One of my goals this year is to try a new recipe every week......at least 1 new recipe a week.  I have so many cookbooks that I have poured over......I salivate over the pictures and dream of making them all.  And that is where it normally ends.

With this new year, I am stepping outside of my box (Lord help me!) and reaching for the stars!  I received the greatest cookbook from my nephew....or so he tells me!  I got Giada De Laurentis's Feel Good Food and it is a signed copy.  I have poured over the book AND selected the recipe; made my shopping list and went to work.

In the past, I have been afraid of different ingredients that alone sound horrible.  An example FOR ME is horseradish.  YUK.  I never get it for prime rib (many people like a good horseradish ...my sinuses don't need to be cleaned out like that!)...so I have avoided recipes with it.  My new attitude is not to be afraid.  Fear will hold me back from some wonderful experiences....right?

The recipe selected is Citrus Slaw with Pork Tenderloin....and yes it has horseradish in it.  Once it was done, it was amazed that IT LOOKED LIKE THE PICTURE IN THE BOOK!  It was easy and delicious.  So here is the recipe:

sliced pork tenderloin and citrus slaw***

slaw:
2 large oranges
1 grapefruit (I used a red one)
1 Tbs safflower or grapeseed oil
1/2 Tbs light agave or honey
1/2 Tbs apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp bottled horseradish
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
1/2 small head napa cabbage (about 3 cups)

pork:
vegetable cooking spray
2 tsp ground cumin
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1/2 tsp kosher salt
1 lb pork tenderloin
1 Tbs grapeseed or safflower oil

5 crushed tortilla chips (I did not use these....none in the house!)

for the slaw:  Cut the ends off one of the oranges and ten use the knife to slice off the peel and white pith underneath.  Using a paring knife, and holding the orange in your hand, slice between the membranes to release the segments.  Cut the segments into 1/2 pieces and put into a bowl.  Squeeze the juice from the membranes and reserve.  Repeat wit h the remaining orange and the grapefruit.

In a large bowl, whisk together the oil, 1 Tbs of the reserved citrus juice, the agave, vinegar, horseradish, salt and pepper.  Add the citrus segments and cabbage.  Toss until coated.  Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

for the pork:  Position the oven rack in the center of  the oven and preheat the oven to 400*.  Spray a heavy rimmed baking sheet with the vegetable oil spray.

In a small bowl, mix together the cumin, cayenne pepper and salt.  Rub the spice mixture all over the pork.  In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium high heat.  Add the pork and brown on all sides, about 8 minutes.  Transfer the pork to the prepared baking sheet and bake until a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the meat registers 160*F, about 30 minutes.  Allow the meat to rest 10 minutes before slicing into 1/4 to 1/2 inch slices.

Divide the slaw among 4 plates.  Arrange the sliced pork on top and sprinkle with the crushed chips.

I was amazed at the flavors.  For a little more punch of color, I added a handful of pomegranate seeds.  YUM!!

So I can say that in week 1 of the new year I have accomplished part of my new goals!!  As I write this, I have a piece of fish in the oven with a crab and goat cheese stuffing.  A little blush vinaigrette to steam it with.  I can't wait for dinner!!

Until next time.......

***De Laurentis, Giada, 2013, Giada's Feel Good Food, ppg 192-193

Goal setting......and making pretty notes to remind me along the way!

Goal setting is important.....if we don't know where we want to go, how can we get there??

I have some goal cards I found.....the template is about the size of a regular post it note.  The rules I use are:

1.  Ask - 'what must I change about myself to achieve this goal'....honesty required!
2.  Imagine what if feels like to achieve this goal
3.  Act like you have achieved it; send the signal to yourself and your surroundings that you are serious!!
4.  Protect your goals from negativity, people who think you are blowing smoke or don't support your dream
5.  Trust, believe and know that life is meant to be abundant.....we deserve everything we can dream!

My current goal cards, all things that are going to push me along to goals I want:

Meditate:  I need ME TIME.  This is time I can journal, relax, focus on goals I am currently working on
Movement:  I promise me, in the next 2 weeks, to get to the gym to ride the recumbent bike for 45 minutes
Food:  Making meals that are good for me, make me feel good (no belching, belly aches, etc) and are tasty
Water:  Recommitting to drinking at least 8- 8 oz glasses of water....(it also helps with the option to move more as I run to the wash room!)

There are more but these are a few I wanted to share today.......

I have put these on post it notes and look at them daily.  I remind myself that I need to review them weekly.  If I don't make the goal, assess why.  With movement, was it bad weather and I could not get to the gym?  Was I lazy and slept in?  Was I afraid of what others would think or say about the girl who came back at the start of the year to make some sort of resolution that is too broad to achieve?  If it is fear, I have to have the self talk......I have just as much right to be at the gym and these people will see someone who is willing to put in the time to work my body.  Another thing, our bodies LOVE to move....when we do are we not rewarded with a better, fitter body?

Another nice thing is once I have achieved the goal, it can go into my box of good things I am thankful for and have something to reflect on later......

Something else I have realized in goal setting........PERFECTION IS OVER-RATED!

Once I allowed myself to not have to compete with everyone else, I felt a huge weight (no pun intended) lifted off my shoulders and psyche.  Being the best me I can be is good enough!!

Well, I should get back to putting my goals and wishes in action.  If I can dream it, I can believe it, it can happen in all parts of life!!

2014...........The year of the??

Happy New Year!  New year, new mantra......

I am learning to love me more.  Self love is where I choose to start.  I say I am comfortable in my own skin, but am I really?  In many cases I think the answer is yes but I know there are many instances where I am afraid.  This is the year to shake off the fear and try.  What is the worst that can happen?  I fail?  I fall?  I don't like whatever it is so choose a different path?

Fear can be paralyzing.  Where does the fear come from?  Self doubt I think.  Lack of confidence.  I know I am a smart cookie and have lots to offer.  So I am throwing fear to the wind......yikes!

I read a post by Chris Powell about setting goals.  We have to be SMART about it.  Do you know what SMART means?

S          Specific

M         Manageable

A          Attaiable

R          Relevant

T          Time-bound

I will be setting goals.......not boring ones....FUN ones.  Life is to be enjoyed.  We (I) need to show my gratitude for the abundance I have.  I need to name my self doubt and tell her (or him) off.....well, at least tell that part of my psyche that I don't have time for the doubt and fear.  The goals will be in all aspects of my life.  Not just about weight and fitness......adding love, fun, and excitement to the mix.

I am going to make these post it goal cards and put them where I can be reminded of them.  When the goal is achieved, it will go in my special box to record all the work, fun and play I have put forth.  It is going to be a year about me and what I need.  What I need physically, emotionally, nutritionally.....all of it will be touched on.

It is going to be an amazing year.  I have my friends to take along on the ride....whether it be by my side or in my heart, you will all be with me as I hit these milestones.

So hang on tight....Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"  `~author unknown