Better than I used to be.....

In case there was any doubt, I am a huge country music fan. The stories they tell in their music usually hit me right where I live. I am loving a new one by Tim McGraw. The man is gorgeous, is a great family man, and can tell a story better than most to music. His latest hit really spoke to me.....let me explain.

I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be


I try every day to be the best person I know how to be. Not only for myself (and my health) but for the people around me. It would be awfully lonely if I could not be friends with people because of a flawed ego/personality. For my health, I watch my diet. Some days are better than others. The last few days have been more of a struggle and I think I know why. Let me start by standing up and saying "Hi, my name is Elaine and I am an emotional eater" (you all respond..Hello Elaine!). Humor aside, I have been eating off my normal plan for about a week. My counselor would say it is grief but that I have made great progress in seeing it, and trying to change it before it gets too out of hand. I wonder though, how far is too far? Tonight I ate half a small cheese and spinach pizza. Regardless of the vegetables (seriously? A little spinach does not count for much) I still ate far too much. I will freeze the rest and revisit it when I have a bit more control. I am guessing this is one MY dance with the devil.......




I’ve pinned a lot of demons to the ground
I’ve got a few old habits left
There’s one or two I might need you to help me get
Standin in the rain so long has left me with a little rust
But put some faith in me
And someday you’ll see
There’s a diamond under all this dust


Part of this journey is forgiveness......forgiveness of myself. Most days feel rather comfortable; then there are days that feel like sheer hell. It is the days in the latter part that I need to take a deep breath and move on. The hard days are the ones where I surround myself with my friends and let them carry me because I am weary. When I have refilled my spirit, I thank you all graciously and continue. Please know that I am always here for you too. It is the best part of friendship. Part of this journey is learning to surround myself with an environment that is conducive to the life I want to lead. If I surround myself with junk, all that can come out is junk. Being good to myself is feeling good and I finally believe that I am worthy of the good fortune sent my way.


I know how to hold a grudge
I can send a bridge up in smoke
And I can't count the people I've let down, the hearts I've broke
You ain't gotta dig too deep
If you wanna find some dirt on me
I'm learning who you've been
Ain't who you've got to be
It's gonna be an uphill climb
Aww honey I won't lie


Although overall I feel I am a pretty good person, I know I can be a stubborn old ass. It is part of my heritage and family! It is a trait that I am not always so proud of...but it is also the other side of the strong person who will have my friends' back if need be and hold steadfast to my beliefs. As much of a good person I can be, I can be a stinker. This is not only outwardly but inward too. I have been listening and watching how I treat the people I love and it makes me smile most of the time. I know I have hurt people's feelings and can be cruel, but it is not who I want to be. Life teaches us many lessons......and knowing we can continue to grow and evolve excites me.


World, I am stepping out of the box and out of my comfort zone. I want to experience anything you can throw at me. Understand that if I crawl into my crab shell (my illustrious zodiac sign) it might just be to take a break but I will resurface stronger and wiser. Or at least that is the plan.


I ain't no angel
I still got a still few more dances with the devil
I’m cleanin up my act, little by little
I’m getting there
I can finally stand the (wo)man in the mirror I see
I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get
But I’m better than I used to be


I took the lyrics from Tim McGraw's latest song out of sequence but I think you understand what they mean to me. We are all diamonds in the rough and I hope we all move in a direction that allows us to shine!

In memoriam.....

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that it is almost 1 year since my dad passed. Lord knows I loved my dad.......I talked to him almost everyday, especially if he was in the hospital. I had a nice chat with him the night before he passed. For that I have no regrets.


I do realize that my dad was his own worst enemy. He loved his wine (and vodka), he loved to eat. There was real passion in his choice of meals. He smoked, did not exercise and until he got sick never went to the doctor....and he appeared to be healthy. I have learned the difference.


Admittedly, I learned to make spaghetti gravy and Italian sausage from scratch from my parents and my maternal grandmother. Spaghetti gravy making was a family affair that once we moved became an extended family affair by corralling any friends to the process who wanted to join in. Deciding to make Italian sausage was also a huge undertaking by cutting up pork butts and seasoning them properly to then fill casings and tying off large ropes of pork waiting to be cooked and put into a spaghetti pot.


My love of sweets.....oh dear Dad. He loved his fudge. Knowing he was diabetic and having to choose sugar free fudge was hard BUT he was willing to make that compromise. If it was my chocolate chip cookies........there was no compromise there. Extra insulin might be required at the end of the night because he was NOT giving up any of my home baked treats. I may not enjoy the home baked items as much as he did BUT I have not met a pretzel or chip I have not liked!


We all have our vises.....and Dad battled those. Drinking to excess on occasion and his love of cigarettes made me shake my head. I did not understand the hold....or maybe I did. The cigarettes than anything had a hold on him. How ridiculous is it to have to carry oxygen and use a scooter to turn to oxygen tank off to have a cigarette? I will admit to disappointment in seeing that happen but I understand the hold a demon has on us. In the same vein I can be that way with food in general. I have, a time or two, eaten a meal and then see something even better (perceived or otherwise) AND have eaten again. It is MY demon talking to me.


This is not meant to talk about Dad and his vices, but more of what I have learned and try to share everyday with my friends and associates if they ask or listen.

Dad, you taught me that exercise and diet are important. I have seen diabetes take hold of so many people in our family. Most of it was adult onset diabetes......as a matter of fact it has ALL been adult onset. Being overweight is a key component. Being sedentary is also key. As much as I love you and our family I do not want to have to stick my fingers several times per day or shoot myself full of insulin because I chose to have a carb laden meal. I don't want to lose my breath taking a walk and talking to a friend; I want to enjoy the scenery and chat with my companions.


I was taught about cooking from scratch and not depending on processed foods for meals. I will never forget making the spaghetti sauce and freezing it; making the Italian sausage or other delicious meals that were made and frozen for a later date. I will always remember our holidays and how we would bake for weeks on end (ok, it was all me baking) but all the Christmas eves we had with friends and family. We would make shrimp, spaghetti aioli, garlic bread, stuffies...the list went on. We almost never went out to dinner growing up, but I learned to make a mean sandwich steak with tons of sauteed sweet onions. Between mom and grandma we NEVER bought a pizza until we were much older. It was always home made with the freshest ingredients. How many BBQ meals did we have with friends and family? It was all fresh........not store bought meals.


By watching you go from doctor to doctor with various aliments you have taught me to have my annual exams. I want to be proactive rather than reactive to a situation. Wellness checks are easier and less expensive to handle.


Dad, I know you are watching me and I hope you are proud of me. I am most assured you are. I want to share my experiences so maybe someone won't worry every time the phone rings and sees a phone number from family 1200 miles away wondering if it is bad news. I want to encourage friends to take their health seriously. As much as I love you dad, it frustrated the hell out of me when I could tell you were out smoking. You knew it was bad for you but you could not shake that monkey on your back just as I battle my emotional eating. I am winning the battle as you did the last year or so of your life.


You and mom have instilled values and lessons I am grateful for. I hope I can share just a little of what you gave me to help enhance someone's life just a little. You both have given me so much.


All that being said, Daddy I miss you. I would love to hear your voice one more time or get onee more hug. I love you and miss you.......

until we meet again.........xxoo

Health and Wellness.....

I made the decision this year is going to be my year........in so many ways. First and foremost with health and fitness. If I don't feel my best I can't look my best or even be my best. I accept that there are degrees of my best (especially on a bad day when I don't hit the shower until the end of the day!) but I am, and always will be, a glass half full girl. In my head I can hear my parents telling me to comb my hair, make sure my clothes are clean and mended (who wants to be in an accident with holes in your underwear......and have your mother find out!)

In wanting to share, I asked the boss if it was ok to look into various wellness programs. I want to know what is available. The first thought that came to mind was we truly are an office with girth! Granted, not everyone is overweight but a good majority of us are. It might be only 10 or 15 lbs but most of us have much more to lose than that. I contacted weight watchers to see if they would do a program here in the office. They were very open to the idea........the only caveat was that I needed 15 people to officially open the meeting. With 55 guys in the office I knew this was going to be an uphill battle. I had 6 people contact me immediately they were interested. I sent email after email encouraging people to join us. The company even agreed to cover 25% of the cost. How cool is that?! I called every friend I knew who might have an interest in WW. Mostly I got shot down but the same thing was happening in the office. With much persistence I got my 15 people!

Although not everyone is participating, they sure watch what the rest of us are doing!

After the first meeting one guy brought in 4 boxes of donuts.......and that is ok. What we all are learning is that we have choices to make. We choose to eat candy, healthy food, donuts. We have our points and need to use them wisely. It is funny to hear at lunchtime the guys asking each other how many points their meal is!

It is not all about weight watchers either. We know it is important to know our numbers. This means weight, blood pressure, cholesterol. Knowing that information gives us another tool to good health. I am talking to the insurance company about having a health screening here at the office. Their will be a blood draw and specific information will be given to the employees. From there we can decide on other things to offer assistance with. Sometime in spring we will be having a health fair. Imagine vendors of all kinds wandering about the office......my favorite one will be the chair getting back rubs! I am sure the line will be the longest for that one! It is amazing the vendors who want to get their names out and their services made known.

I have started a walking group. We don't walk together but we all wear our pedometers and are tracking in a log book. Again, my insurance group has provided the pedometers (not great ones but for starters are fine) and the log books. It has made people aware of how few steps they take each day. I struggle for my 10K........well, not struggle if Sassy wants a walk (and who knows a dog that does not want to wander about the neighborhood!). But I am aware of how many steps I take in a day and try my best to get to 10K. I also believe when I don't quite get there I have done my best to do the largest percentage to the goal. It is all a positive experience.

We all are moving, sharing, eating better. We are looking better, feeling better. The impact on the insurance will not be reflected for a couple of years but it is going to happen. If we get healthy, our families and friends may join us too. It just makes for one big happy, healthy group of friends who will get to party together for a very long time. And with our company supporting our endeavours we can't help but succeed.