I can't save the world........but I can save myself

Today was a roller coaster day of emotions.  Being part of the Wellness Team in my office, I had to share the news that our Weight Watchers @ Work meeting might be coming to an end.  The writing has been on the wall for some time now.  Per the WW agreement, we need to have 8 paying members each week participating.  Lately we are barely making it AND I am in an office of 65 people.....58 are men.  Men don't have the same hang-ups about weight as women do; they are not emotional like women are.  I can feel the life oozing out of the group AND I CAN'T SAVE THE PROGRAM!  Waaaaahhhhhh....


I broke the news to the group today after one gent told me he had to quit and had his reasons; I respect the fact that he talked to me direct instead of making me find out when the monthly bill came in.  He is a young man with a new family.....a tough decision for him.  I explained to our group about our status and anticipating that there will be an email giving us x weeks to bring the numbers up or shut it down.


A survey was delivered to each employee asking what it would take for them to consider joining the program.  The survey also explained that WW is more than numbers, it tries to take into consideration the whole body, mind and soul.  The age range is from 21-68 and there are a number of people who could benefit from the program but that is a personal decision/choice.  As I saw people reading the email, I also got a few responses.  I heard another nail going in the coffin......another current member was quitting.  There had been some words weeks earlier and there was stress in the air.  The employee explained that he just could not do it any more.  He was one person who DID ME A FAVOR 3 years ago when we started the program.  I needed 10 active people, I begged him to join to let us have the group....and being the kind soul he is he did.  He has stuck with us for 3 years, no questions asked.


I started talking to the leader about his quitting and she was concerned she caused the break down.  I assured her it was not.  I felt like I am fighting to save the world......and it is not mine to save.  Again I realize that I am not Mother Freakin Teresa......and I can only support the program as long as others are willing to put forth the effort.


This was part of the ups and downs I had today.  So, you are reading with me and saying.....so why do you need saving?  I found myelf a few times today ready to be short with people, finding snacks to soothe my hurt.  I needed to ground myself, put my hand on my heart, take a few breaths and come back to the present.  I thought I had gotten there.


After I got home tonight, my knees were killing me.  The barometric pressure affects me so badly these days, I could hardly wobble.  I had dinner (a protein shake), watered the plants and found myself watching a rerun of a Cubs game....yes we lost again!  I had hoped the rerun would have a different outcome!  LOL.  After an hour or so I went to get a glass of ice water.  I saw a plate of penne with vodka sauce.....I stood there at the counter and started eating one piece, then another.  Before I knew it almost all of it was gone.  I was not hungry, I was following an old learned habit.  Eating alone has no calories.........


I threw out the rest of the pasta.  I wandered back up to my cave.........disappointed in myself and feeling cruddy from eating what I did not need or want.  The worst part was I did not feel like I could stop myself.


I am trying to forgive myself, trying to accept that was one moment that I never have to repeat.  I am trying to save myself from a beating I really don't deserve.  I will make the next moment better.  I will forgive myself.  I will move on.  I can save ME through these techniques and many more I have in my arsenal.  I am worth it.  I AM WORTH SAVING........


I like to finish my blogs with a recipe!  Being I was trying to comfort myself today one of my GO TO dishes from Grandma Poissant was Tuna and Rice.

Tuna and Rice

Ingredients:

Rice

Tuna

Mayo

For this recipe, you can make it in small quantities.....I don't like to make big bowls of it......so maybe 

2 or 3 servings.

Make the rice according to directions.  Once it is done, fluff it up and let it start to cool.  Open a can of tuna (in water is best) and drain well.  Mix the tuna with about 1 cup of rice (or a little more...depends how hungry you are!).  Add mayo to taste.  I like my tuna and rice to not be loaded with mayo but a nice coating!

This always made me feel better when I stayed at Grandma's house.....and she always told me it was a DIET dish!

Until next time........xxoo